et je mourrais sans toi
by Hablakistan
Summary: "It was like his revenge, the way he toyed with her, had his way with her. And because he knew it hurt, sometimes he made her smile as bright as the winter snow." New title and summary.
1. Chapter 1

**Tragedy on Juvia's part, and in which I criminalize Gray. Forgive me. Please.**

**Heavily inspired by Marina and the Diamonds' cover/response song to JB's Boyfriend.**

**And in one part, I just left the actual lyrics. I really love their meaning, and I wanted to add some emphasis. It's not like i just got lazy, or anything. **

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything copyrighted. **_

* * *

Juvia spent her life pining after Gray since the first moment their eyes met.

Gray turned a blind eye to her every time.

Did he forget all the things she'd shown him? All the times she'd been there for him?

But Gray didn't even take a chance. Didn't even think about the possibility.

He saved his eyes for other girls. Wasted and spent his life on them.

It's not like she made it difficult for him. She was_ right there_. Literally.

She wouldn't hurt him, not ever. Not like Ur had. Not like Ultear, either, all those years later. No, Juvia would stay by his side forever.

Just who did he want her to be? She would change for him in an instant, and without a second thought.

But Gray... he carried himself so he overshadowed her completely.

* * *

She knew him three years when he finally said yes.

It wasn't anything like she imagined it would be. He broke all her dreams.

He kept her beside him wherever he went. Helped her pick out her clothes, so she looked pretty whilst clutching his arm.

But even when their fingers were intertwined, or their arms hooked, his hand was always loose and he never spared her a glance.

Why had he said yes, then? He could've just been kind and told her he wasn't interested.

Anytime he wanted.

'It's like playing pretend', Juvia secretly realized.

And she was shocked to find out she cried more with him than she had in the three years they were '_just friends_'.

* * *

He always put himself before her.

He knew he had her heart right in the palm of his hand.

He knew she'd never resist him. She got scared when he yelled.

It was like his revenge, the way he toyed with her, had his way with her.

And because he knew it hurt, sometimes he made her smile as bright as the winter snow.

* * *

He could've just been her boyfriend.

Could've let her nurse his heart, until they were old and gray and the world crumbled around them.

She had really wanted to be his everything.

It hurt to know that she never even had the chance.

* * *

Cause when I was your girlfriend,

You always let me go.

Kept me on your arm boy,

So you weren't left alone.

You could've been a better man,

Any time you want.

Cause when I was your girlfriend,

I always felt alone, I always felt alone.

* * *

She didn't give up on him. She gave him so many chances to fix everything. Make it a real relationship.

But the chances were mostly for her sake. Her last chance at happiness. A way that they could make it work and be together and be _happy. _Maybe.

Months passed, almost years, and he cashed in every chance. It was like she handed him her heart and he pretended to forget he was required to hold it.

If he ever called himself hers, she would've stayed for sure.

But even Juvia- loyal, infatuated, silly Juvia- had a breaking point. It was just a bit more lenient than most.

* * *

Sorcerers Weekly published an article about it, photo shoot and all.

They had this _idea__, _that at one point, she actually had him. 'The Girl Who Melted the Ice Mage's Heart.'

It probably looked that way.

After all, Gray had fooled a lot of people. Her, for one.

She always had thought he was honest, and kind.

What a stupid mistake _that_ was.

* * *

The day after she broke it off, she caught Gray in action.

Flirting with Lucy.

She was like that little piglet, crying all the way home. But Juvia thought that her reason might've been a little better.

The next day, Gray's skin was a painting of black and blue, framed in bandages.

And Natsu had his arm protectively wrapped around Lucy's shoulder.

As if Juvia's heart wasn't already broken beyond repair. That was the only thing she had ever wanted.

* * *

_But when I was your girlfriend I always felt alone_


	2. Chapter 2

**So sorry it took so long (what has it been, 10 days?)- I wrote as often as I could but I'm so busy (on vacation...and catching bugs). In Spain. It's so gorgeous so I just sit on the terrace and write.**

**While writing this, I totally changed the direction this story was going in. Not that it makes a difference, because nobody knew where this was going in the first place...but whateverrrrrrrrrrrr b*tchesss. Okay, I'll stop.**

**Oh! And information- It's currently year x794 in this story. I said the Juvia and Gray were friends for three years before he said yes, which is one year before the time skip and 2 years after it. And then they were dating for almost two years, but not quite, so that's just one more year. So it's, like, late autumn of x794. (In the northern hemisphere, I guess?) Correct me if I'm wrong. **

**Anyway, enjoy and review- tell me about any mistakes, please!**

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing copyrighted._**

* * *

_I'm lying in the ocean, singing your song_

_Ahhh, that's how you sang it_

_Loving you forever, __can't be wrong_

_Even though you're not here, won't move on_

_Ahhh, that's how we played it_

* * *

Juvia stood under the spray of the shower and listened to the rapping at her door. It was enticing, wooden, whole. It called her to open it and yet her heart was stuck in place with water and soap and pain and the tears perched precariously on her eyelashes.

Juvia knew that nothing that had happened was even close to funny. She was hurt. Destroyed. Her body felt like it was full of tar; she felt heavy, closed in, like the Ame on'na she always had been- before Gray. Yet she couldn't_ quite_ seem to hold back a chuckle at the realization that she didn't blame herself in the slightest. No, not this time. She pictured Gray's coal black hair, his blue night eyes and his strong arms where she clung to them. It was a thought like a lightning strike, that this was _his_ fault. Gray's fault.

Gray had played with her. Pushed her down after helping her up. Ignored her. Made out with the waitress while she went to freshen up and he _knew_ that she knew he did it. She gritted her teeth. No, she was not the one who didn't deserve him. Gray had broken Juvia's heart because he knew that she was defenseless whilst facing him. _He_ was the one that didn't deserve_ her._

* * *

"Juvia!" Lyon had given up on knocking some time ago and had settled for kicking the door. "Juvia! Open up the damn door!" To say that Lyon felt helpless was an understatement. After standing on the welcome mat to Juvia's apartment for more than half an hour, he had gotten past being pissed at the pitiful glances he kept getting from the Fairy Hills girls and had moved on to being desperate. His mind was focused on nothing other than the door in front of him, and its immobile doorknob. "Juvia?" Lyon tried his best to transfer his desperation through the door and into the girl inside. "Please!" He supposed he should have known that she wouldn't open up, for the only thing answering his knocks was silence. It was a silence that would have told anyone sane that no one was there, but Lyon knew Juvia was inside her apartment, _somewhere, _and nobody was going to be able to tell him otherwise. Of course it occurred to him that, in a way, the house was truly empty. Juvia would not be prancing around inside with her I'm-alright-I'm-okay smile, putting things into place, dusting, cleaning, cooking, sewing, whatever it was that Juvia did best. Nevertheless, she was there. He could feel it.

In complete truth, Lyon didn't have the slightest desire to see what Gray had done to her. All the same, the forces of the universe had called him here and who was he to resist them? Simply put, no matter the pain in his heart, Lyon's infatuation with Juvia drove his need to make sure she didn't hurt herself. _Always._

In the same way, Lyon's childhood and past with Gray Fullbuster, and their ties as brothers drove the rivalry that was destined to be between them. It was different now, though. Gray had crossed a line and Lyon was not going to let it slide, because Juvia deserved some justice in this.

It's not like this was a contest. It never had been, because what bastard makes a contest of a girl? (Though Lyon now knew the answer to that was Gray). They didn't establish bets or even exchange a word on the topic. It was just the lone fact that when the two were in the same room as a girl they were both attracted to, some masculine possessive instinct inside them acted up and went insane. That's how Lyon had taken it. He assumed it was a situation where two men had their eyes on the same woman, while only one would get her heart. He knew Gray had won the girl, for now. He'd have that extra confidence from his feelings of accomplishment. But at the same time, Lyon didn't see anything else. Gray had won the girl and he made sure to take every advantage to his own pleasure, but treated her own feelings with a disgusting disregard.

Juvia became Gray's china doll, left to collect dust.

He ignored Juvia even more openly than he had before. He didn't lay his eyes on her for a second. Didn't start conversations and usually ended them with blunt one word answers, if not faking deaf completely. Lyon had come to the startling realization that Gray had no love for Juvia.

Some nights, he went so far as to wonder if Gray had taken her virginity without looking her in the eyes.

Naturally, these thoughts quickly strengthened what had become a loathing towards Gray on Lyon's part. His loathing had stemmed from a basic jealousy, which it had stayed for a long time before. It was just jealousy, he knew, and he constantly worked to switch the scores and take the girl. It wasn't until Gray said yes that Lyon became physically unable to do anything, but still it was just jealousy. No, it wasn't until Lyon saw Juvia's lifeless eyes, and until he caught a glimpse of the tears waiting inside them, ready to pour out like rain, that his mild spite increased to an intense hate. All those years of nothing more than jealousy, driven to loathing in a matter of seconds.

To Lyon, Gray became a villain. The mention of his name, the sight of his face, the memories of their childhood- and god forbid Lyon see a box of Early Grey at the supermarket in his chronic missions to restock the fridge. Things like that made his whole day miserable.

But it was the occasions on which he saw Juvia and Gray together that really killed him. Because her eyes were a sight to mourn, he could swear by that. Navy blue and clouded over like a foggy night, and trying so hard to smile. To get some reaction out of Gray. There were stars in those eyes, but Gray had hidden them and they couldn't find a way through the mist. The instant his eyes met hers, his hands were itching to make contact with a wall, if only as to not shatter Gray's face- for Juvia's sake, obviously. And Lyon knew if he had Juvia's emotional power over the weather, those moments would be accompanied by hail tumbling from the skies like Fiore had yet to see.

It wasn't the most surprising thing that some nights, Lyon would come home and just cry. He knew that he had his fair share of sins, but he wondered just what he had done that was so awful because not only had fate stolen his true love, not only had it laughed in his face and forced him to act witness to her suffering, but it also rendered him powerless against helping her.

And fate didn't even stop there.

Lyon learned just the day before that whatever relationship those two had was over, now. He knew right away that Gray had ended it, of course. He had never been so angry, never could her remember a more raging ocean in his body. Was that it? Would there be no amends to the terror he had reigned over Juvia with? Would the pain he caused her be let off the hook just like that? He stormed over to the guild not a second short of immediately.

* * *

_"Mira!" Lyon flung open the doors to Fairy Tail._

_"Hello, Lyon. I guess I shouldn't be surprised." Mira had a look of pity on her face, but she was calm. And if Lyon had the patience to search he would, true to her word, not see the slightest awe in Mira's expression._

_"Damn right you shouldn't be. Where is the bastard?" Lyon wasn't controlled enough to waste time on politeness._

_"Gray?" Mira asked, but she already knew the answer._

_"Of course, Gray! How dare he break it off! After everything he did to her!" Mira winced at his words, and her look of pity deepened tenfold._

_"Lyon, Gray didn't break up with Juvia." She whispered, so as not to be overheard. "_Juvia_ broke up with _Gray_." Mira gauged his reaction, lightly biting into her lip. _

_Lyon stopped and stood frozen, shocked into silence._

_"I thought you would've known, Lyon. But I don't know anymore than that, honestly. I'm really sorry." Mira set down the glass she had been polishing._

_He sat down and buried his head into his arms, desperately trying to stifle a sob. No. No, no. Mira smiled gently down at him, eyes round like pies and stuffed full of her sadness. "You should go find her, Lyon. It's been overcast lately." Her smile widened little bit at the last part, but the meaning was serious and the smile didn't touch her eyes._

_Shell shocked would be a good word for what he was feeling. That's exactly what Lyon was, of course. It was common knowledge, that Juvia was in love with Gray. Maybe some people wouldn't be able to understand it, but Lyon knew a dire situation when he saw one. Juvia was utterly and completely in _love_ with Gray Fullbuster. Her purpose in life over the last few years had become solely to get him to return her feelings. And now, here she was, cutting those feelings off with her own two hands. It was a worst case scenario that- as much as he hated to admit it- Lyon had always really seen as synonymous with the end of the world._

* * *

Juvia made up her mind with the conclusion that mourning was stupid. It had just been a crush, she assured herself. She laughed quietly, securing her bare skin in her favorite underwear and reaching for a shirt. Her fingers twisted themselves into white linen and as she pulled the dress shirt over her arms Juvia's eyes widened abruptly and she had to choke back a sob. She ripped the shirt off, throwing the offending cloth across the room and falling backwards against the wall. She couldn't even control her shaking as she watched the shirt flutter to the ground, damp from her skin. Gray's shirt. It was still in her room even now, mocking her.

* * *

_Juvia blinked her eyes open and dragged her hand out of her blue locks, lifting her head slowly."Gray-sama?"_

_Gray smiled down cordially, letting his necklace skim over her breast to elicit a shiver from her naked form. "Shh, Juvia, go back to sleep."_

_"Juvia is cold," she mumbled, shuffling into the blankets in effort to create a barrier between her skin and the icy air._

_Gray reached down and scooped up his dress shirt from the floor, tucking it around her shoulders and chest. "Here," He leaned down and took hold of her lips for a painfully short minute, smirking against her as she moaned quietly into him. He drew away too early, and Juvia didn't have enough time to snatch his lips back. "I have to go."_

_"Gray-sama, Juvia does not want you to leave..." She trailed off, for he was already out the window and gone, gone, gone. He was good at that, Juvia decided, pulling on the offered shirt and struggling out of bed to face another day._

* * *

Juvia picked herself up from the floor and exhaled softly. Looking, this time, she pulled a black long sleeve shirt over her head, stretching it out so it lay smooth over her stomach. She then stepped into light blue pencil skirt, and let it settle over the dark fabric. A glance in the mirror assured that she looked significantly prettier than her heart felt, so she turned and walked with soft steps towards her front door, where the knocks were getting fewer and further between. Juvia took a deep breath and plastered on her biggest smile, turning the door knob with a nervous hand and dragging the door towards her in anticipation.

"Juvia!" Lyon yelled, pouncing on her and trapping her in his arms.

Juvia couldn't hold back a small but genuine smile at the sight of his face; to think he had come to see her left an ache in her heart . "Lyon-sama, it's so nice of you drop by," She started, widening her smile and forcing it into her eyes, trying to convince him that she was of good mind. "Juvia is sorry to have made you wait, but she was in the shower!"

Unluckily for her, Lyon was not as dense as most men she had come to know in recent years. Or maybe he was, but his concern towards her was honest enough that he saw right through her act. "That's fine, Juvia-chan!" Lyon imitated her high voice and glaring smile with practiced perfection. "Actually, I was just wondering if you would let me take you out?" He faked innocence, completely aware that he was walking a very fine line with request like that.

No, perhaps he wasn't dense at all.

Juvia's smile faltered so slightly that Lyon barely caught it. When she responded, her voice raised in pitch and her eyes shone lightly with the threat of tears, as if they had caught drops of morning dew. "Juvia does not think that is such a good idea, Lyon-sama."

"I promise not to try anything, Juvia. Just this one favor- I'm asking you."

"Lyon-sama, Juvia really doesn't…"

"One day, Juvia. That's all I'm asking. I'll leave you alone after that."

Juvia hesitated. She crossed her arms and leaned against the door frame, letting her hair fall over her eyes. It was confounding, how she let her guard down. Juvia had been a Phantom girl, after all. Never one to let her guard down, not even in the presence of Fairy Tail, whose members had become her family. Maybe Gray was an exception, but he was the only one. For a moment, Lyon wondered if she really trusted him that much, but he quickly corrected himself with the realization that Juvia was too lost in her misery now to think about putting up a guard. He was flattering himself, to even think that she could let her guard down out of trust, when she didn't even drop it for someone like Gajeel. It was another first for Juvia, and it was also tied to Gray and his overpowering effect on her.

She raised her hand and brushed her blue locks aside with her fingers. "One day?" Lyon nodded stiffly, and Juvia sighed in the wake of her easy defeat. "Okay, Lyon-sama. Juvia will give you one day." She bent down and slipped on her shoes, taking her time because the last thing she wanted to do now was deal with Lyon's affections, that reminded her so much of her own. Lyon ignored the pained look on her face and smiled brightly at her, pulling at her arm eagerly as soon as she lifted herself from her crouch. She stumbled out of the doorway, surprised, and could do nothing but let herself be pulled after him. Even her door stood wide open and she was powerless to go back and close it. Juvia was scared, in a way. It wasn't the same fear that she had facing a strong enemy, or what she felt when she used to fret over Gray's well being. Juvia was instead anxious towards how her heart would cope with more of this damned emotional turmoil. It was intuition, and she had the feeling that the front she was putting up would only hold for so long.

* * *

"Okay, you can open you eyes now!"

"Lyon-sama, Juvia gets the feeling that this is a bit cliché," she giggled despite herself, not wanting to admit that this was the most fun she remembered having in a long, long time. She moved her hands from her face and couldn't restrain a smile, before slowly opening her eyes, and gasping like a little child. She supposed it really wasn't as amazing as she was making it out to be, but that moment that she opened her eyes felt almost magical.

She had already known they were in the forest. The wet grass had brushed her ankles as they walked and the trees had been swatting her despite Lyon's best efforts. It was quiet, unlike the town; the birds were louder and animals rustled in the brushwood. It smelled different, too, woodsy and damp like Magnolia wasn't. Juvia might not have had the heightened senses of a dragonslayer, but she liked to think she was more attuned to her senses than most. Upon opening her eyes, she proved herself right immediately. They had been walking through the forest, but in front of them stretched out a valley. Hills bordered the sky, rolling and green like in a fairy tale. Moisture and dew rose off the distant mountains, lifting into the sky by tendrils of fog and forming clouds of mist. Against the vibrant green grass, the trees that fell into the valley were much darker, defining the different elements of the view and making it foreign. And in the distance, a thin, tan path zigzagged through the valley and over the mountains, forming boundaries and guidelines at the same time. It wasn't the most exotic sight, Juvia knew. But it was so real and so different from what she was used to that it took Juvia's breath from her without her consent.

"Well, come on," Lyon smirked from a lower height, revealing the start of the path along a short, delicate-looking wire fence. "We're going on an adventure." He offered his hand to her and Juvia took it quickly, feeling unbelievably lucky that this man would offer himself as a support, even when the world seemed to be falling into chaos around her.

* * *

It was a nice walk. Lyon surprised her with his endless knowledge of everything nature, pointing out the different species of trees, plants, and animals in a way that seemed as if he was talking to himself; he didn't seem egotistic. He was so nice to Juvia, so happy and always wording things in ways that would draw a laugh from her. It wasn't a feeling she was used to. She was so used to Gray's roundabout bluntness and don't give a damn, laid back personality. It was something she had grown fond of, especially when he gave into his serious and cautious side. And maybe best of all was how he acted when he loved Juvia, serious and laid back and captivating all at once.

Juvia unconsciously drifted into her daydreams, because part of her began to wonder how it would have been if she had fallen in love with Lyon, and not Gray. How easy it would have been. Just handing her heart over to him and knowing he wouldn't harm it, being loved by someone as equally as you love them. To have mutual feelings and to be able to experience and fulfill every childish, girlhood fantasy Juvia had ever had before her life became complicated and wrapped around Phantom, and evil, and then unrequited love. And yet she couldn't. Juvia knew that the only one for her had ever been Gray. He had vanquished her darkness, after all. Been her knight in shining armor on more than one occasion, and who she was now was credited to him and therefore she was indebted to him for all eternity. Well, he had her heart. But Juvia could move on, couldn't she? She bit her lip as she traipsed down the grassy stretch after Lyon. _Couldn't she?_

"Juvia! Watch out!" Lyon yelled but didn't waste a second wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her backwards. Juvia immediately snapped out of her mindless state and fell into the dirt, legs dizzy. A short distance to her right, dirt crumbled and fell down a steep ledge, ending only when a barbed wire fence cut into its path.

"Sorry, Lyon." Juvia mumbled, not nearly as afraid or offering the reaction that Lyon wanted of her.

He had to hold his tongue at the lecture he had ready to spew off his lips, but he forced his mouth into a smile and eased the spur of the moment anger out of his eyes. "Just be more careful, Juvia." He let Juvia walk ahead of him afterwards, but always within arms reach if the situation called for him to take action. "You're important, after all."

But Juvia didn't smile at that and Lyon knew she was lost in thought again. Gray, he could tell without asking. That bastard, ruining her for everyone else and yet rejecting her himself. Juvia was untouchable as far as her heart was concerned, and every man in Magnolia knew it. Hell, he didn't even live within proximity of Magnolia and him and his whole guild knew it. In truth, he wouldn't be surprised if all of Fiore was aware of it at this point, what with the exaggerated articles and rumors spreading like wildfire.

It went to show that everyone was dense in some way, not just Natsu but even Juvia, had areas where she was oblivious to everything. And that was probably the case- where all of Fiore knew of something and Juvia would keep her head up as if she could move on, which she couldn't. He could say it once and he could say it a million more times- Juvia's heart was under reservation by one Gray Fullbuster, but that same Gray Fullbuster hadn't shown up to claim it.

It was a moment where lightning seemed to strike him, right in his head where ideas were forming. That was it, of course. He had to make Juvia aware of this. Had to bring her out of her denial so she could begin the healing process. He was so against it, so disgusted by the idea, but fate had thrown him another bout of bad luck and he couldn't dodge it if he tried. He had to pressure her, push her to the metaphoric edge until she broke. If only he could find a way.

So while Lyon acted as her guide through this landscape (that Natsu, of all people, had steered him towards), his mind was on overdrive. He had been up and down this path, thinking, memorizing every turn and every tree, watching the sheep and finding the little red-roofed houses hidden in the trees. He knew where everything was placed, as if he had a map spread out in his head. He knew there had to be _somewhere_ that would trigger negative emotions, if looked at in the right light. Somewhere up ahead.

He located the perfect area both on the map in his head and with his eyes, at the same time. A large tunnel that was molded into the rock and cut out, where the trees were denser at the entrance and the exit, and the shadows were large. He had but the five minutes it would take to slowly walk through this tunnel to say the key words without letting suspicions arise in Juvia. He had to think them out, cautiously, words that brought forward memories and in turn emotions.

"Juvia finds this haunting, Lyon," She spoke up first while staring at the tall opening with wonder.

"Would you like to turn back?" He looked at her with sincere concern and Juvia smiled to herself at how fragile he thought she was; her past was just as traumatic as his, and though she had no right to voice her opinions it was probably darker by far.

"Juvia finds it beautiful, as well. She wouldn't mind going on."

Lyon exhaled visibly and as he did the corners of his mouth turned up in a relief she couldn't explain. He moved closer to her and bumped her shoulder in a way of comfort, for he could offer her no body heat and she couldn't receive it anyway. He was an ice mage, after all, and her body was made of water. "So how are you, Juvia?" He asked her suddenly.

Juvia tensed and gave him a look of false confusion. She couldn't even keep her teeth steady as she inquired what he meant, and she let regret plague her body. She absolutely knew this had been a bad idea.

"I'm just asking. There's no wildlife to identify in here, you know." He offered her a smile that was too innocent, but he had a point and Juvia decided to let it slide. She was being ridiculous.

"Well, Juvia is fine, Lyon-sama." Straightforward answer. No eye contact.

"I'm happy about that." He shocked her with his nonchalance. Not only nice, but he acted as if it was the most normal thing in the world to want her happiness.

It occurred to her, again, that he put her on a pedestal above himself and worshiped her in this way she couldn't explain. She needed some answer to it, what he saw in her."Lyon-sama, why are you so nice to Juvia? You are always acting funny and making Juvia laugh and making sure that she is happy."

"Am I? Nobody's ever said that before. Besides, you're nice too, Juvia."

"Juvia is too serious. She is always gloomy and not good at loosening up."

Lyon chuckled and smiled brightly. "Juvia, you just describe me _perfectly_." And before she could respond, he continued. "I guess nobody's ever told you about Deliora, huh?"

Juvia shook her head, clasping her hands behind her back and slowing her pace.

Lyon morosely directed his gaze towards the dark stone of the ceiling. "Seven years ago- no, scratch that. When I was a kid, I had this obsession with power. It was like my dream, to become successful and all-powerful and the like. I took everything seriously. When I met Ur, who was mine and Gray's teacher, I had this idea that she was the most powerful mage on Earthland. I was so close minded- one thing got stuck in my head and I wouldn't let anything change my mind, even if I had everything wrong.

So life went on like that for a little bit. I trained with Ur, and it was just the two of us at first. Then, Ur got wind of an attack by a monster in a nearby town. The damage was supposed to be huge, and Ur wanted to check it out and see if there were any survivors. She was like that. Nice. Always thinking about others. So we went over to the town and it was in ruins. I mean, it was completely flattened and there was smoke and debris and that was it. It was amazing we found anything, but we did. We found Gray. One survivor, in that whole village. He was a kid at that time, of course. And Ur decided to take him in, like she had taken me in.

We were such messed up kids, if I think about it now. I was overly ambitious and pigheaded, and Gray was convinced he could take Deliora- who had walked through this town and flattened it like it was nothing. We were both overly ambitious and pigheaded, actually. And I guess Gray seemed more extreme but in the end I was the worst.

Anyway, Gray decided to go after Deliora and Ur wouldn't just let him go like that- she loved both of us so much. So she went after him, and took me with her. Me and Gray were no match, of course. We were unconscious most of the time and when I got up I acted like a dick- sorry- and tried to take Deliora on myself. I tried to use Iced Shell- which is a technique where the magic user essentially uses their own body to freeze a target. It destroys your body in the process, which I didn't know at the time, but the ice that results from the spell is virtually unmeltable because its actually a living thing. Well, Ur knew it would destroy my body so she froze me- but she also knew it was the only way she would be able to stop Deliora and she did it herself.

After that, I woke up and found Ur gone and Gray sobbing, and he told me she was dead. I think I went insane, in that moment. And we split ways a short time after that and I still had my stupid ideas- I thought that if I melted Deliora's ice and defeated it it would be equivalent to surpassing Ur. I spent _ten years_ of my life on Deliora. I researched and found people to help me and dragged Deliora over to Galuna Island. And I found a spell, it was called Moon Drip, that could melt the ice.

Juvia, I spent ten years of my life thinking that if I let loose a chaotic monster, I could beat Ur and become the most powerful mage of all, or something. I wouldn't let anyone tell me that there were more powerful mages than her. I was crazy. I was so hooked on this one person because one day when I was young and looking for a mentor, a man in town told me that Ur was the strongest. And she was amazing, yeah, but there are people that are so much stronger; I know that now.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it really sucks to be so obsessed with someone you let them control what you do with your life. I mean, I'm not saying it was Ur's fault. It was mine, completely. But still."

By the time he finished they both realized that they had stopped walking, stopped moving. A few meters ahead was the exit of the tunnel, letting in little light because at some point the clear sky had surrendered itself to an oncoming storm. Lyon's breathing was calm, whereas Juvia's had become shaky. Her eyes looked like daughters of the sky, and Lyon knew that he had done it right. He wondered if he would regret it, too, as he stared at her face.

"Is it wrong for Juvia to be so in love with Gray? Has she let him take control of her life?" Juvia's voice wavered and she stared right into Lyon's eyes, pinning him there. His mouth opened slightly, but he couldn't find an answer to her question. He didn't know- he was as clueless as she was right now. Was it wrong to surrender to love?

Juvia staggered forward, whimpering. He counted her steps. One foot forward, another. One more before she collapsed onto his chest and wrapped her arms around Lyon, squeezing him so tightly that he couldn't breath. His knees gave way with hers and the two were on the ground, kneeling on the damp concrete as the rain began to pour outside. He felt drops on his head within moments and he didn't have to look up to know that the rain came from the roof of the tunnel, too. It was all-consuming, Juvia's rain. Her sadness and her mourning. And it had been in her body, all these tears and anguish, like a raging sea.

"Juvia just wants to go and beg on her knees for him to take her _back!_" She sobbed. "She just wants him to know that she loves him, and even if he abuses her she will forgive him! Juvia...Juvia thought she could do this! Juvia thought she could live without Gray, and just move on with her life and become a new person, that...that... But now Juvia just wants Gray back!"

Lyon held Juvia to his chest as she sobbed, and the rain poured down on them from the tunnel walls. He rocked her gently, kissing her hair and whispering comfort into her ears. Juvia cried along to his song of words, like listening to honey to soothe her pain. Around her, the rain poured harder as her tears slowed and then she erupted into convulsions and weeping all over again, clutching desperately at Lyon's shirt. Lyon just held her, smile soft and sad because _this_ is what it was like when he realized that Juvia would always love Gray and he had no chance. In all honesty, he wanted to try, he really did, but he couldn't. Juvia was one of those selfish people who couldn't move on, and she had earned that luxury. She had always had to give up more than others and this was the last thing she had; she wouldn't let go.

Her grip was slowly choking him, but he would hold on just a bit longer because that was what Juvia deserved. He was like her, except opposite. He had been selfish for so long and right now he had to be selfless and just there for her; a rigid and unmoving structure. He stroked her back slowly as her river of tears dried into a trickling stream, and her body was not shaking like a leaf but only shivering gently. "Juvia hurts so much, Lyon-sama. She just wants fate to leave he be." She whispered, words intimate like a confession. He could deal with this, he knew. He had a place in her heart, always lower than Gray's but still he knew that he meant something to her. So maybe he wasn't holding the first place in her heart and probably not second either, but he could deal with third place and he could go lower. As long as he offered her some relief from her life. He could deal with this. "Can Juvia be so selfish?" It was her quietest whisper of all, and like her tears the rain had quieted but was still there, soaking them.

"Yes, Juvia. Yes. It's perfectly fine." He finally found the words and he wondered if they held true for both of them, as Juvia was lulled to sleep in his arms. He did the right thing, he knew. And she would cry more, that was clear in his mind. But for now on he would be there for her. He would follow his own words and let himself be selfish, like her, and he would steal her away from Gray slowly, but steadily. It would take time, but so did mountains forming and people aging and injuries healing. Lyon had learned patience in the years since Galuna Island, and this is what he learned it for. This was life; to fall in love and fight.

Lyon looked down at the sleeping beauty in his arms and smiled. _Anything for her, after all_. Then he got up and walked out of the tunnel, following the sunlight like a beacon.

* * *

_**Until next chapter...**_


End file.
